There is something to say about crossing the equator and if you’ve never crossed the equator at sea then you are a Slimy Pollywog. There are even some that would go so far as to say that if you’ve never gone through the nautical ritualistic hazing ceremony and stand in front of King Neptune you are still a Slimy Pollywog. What are Slimy Pollywogs you ask? Only the lowest dirty untrustworthy creatures of the sea. They spend most of their time enjoying their land lubber ways instead of basking in the glory of the ocean.
There is only one way to shed the slim and filth of the Pollywog and that is to be accepted by King Neptune in front of his court at the equator, yar see. By King Neptune’s grace only can you be anointed defenders of the shores, protectors of the great deep, the saltiest of sea dogs a Trusty Shellback! The Trusty Shellback is the noblest of sea creatures that respect the big blue and all that lives below.
The hour was late, Sara was fast asleep and dreaming her little shellback dreams as Wade was on watch and approaching the equator. A loud splash came about, Wade peered in the darkness, rubbed his eyes and to his surprise he saw a tail in the air. Shortly there after he was taken a gasp as a mermaid appeared on Just Drifting swim step. Wade grabbed for handles to keep himself upright as he almost flew backwards at the sight. There she sat flipping water up with her tail and long flowing hair that appeared to be moving with little sea creatures holding it in place like a barrettes. She spoke, “Captain Wade, why is it that this is your third time crossing the equator and you have yet to appear in front of King Neptune’s court?” Wade gathered his thoughts and said, ” I didn’t know, how do I . . .” he paused, “What do I do to become a Trusty Shellback?” The Mermaid smiled and held out her hand, “Follow me dirty, slimy, Pollywog”, Wade spoke quickly, “Wait what about the boat? I can’t leave my watch.” Just then two large sea turtles climbed on the swim step then took a seat in the cockpit, one sea turtle slowly said “We’ve got your watch” as the second sea turtle pulled out a cribbage board and a deck of shells, then said “I love it when these boats have auto pilot there’s practically nothing for us to do.” Wade turned to the mermaid shrugged his shoulders and took her hand.
The Mermaid held Wade’s hand and swam to a large underwater bubble. Wade noticed he could breathe and talk underwater, the mermaid smiled, and said, “You can only breathe underwater in Pollywog bubble or holding my hand so don’t wander off.” He asked, “Where are we going?”, the mermaid responded, “The Pollywog bubble, you need to get in line with other Pollywogs!” As they approached the bubble she stopped and said, “I almost forgot, what is the slimmest name I can give you, hmmm, I know!” Just then she surprised a squid and used a seaweed leaf to gather the ink then began to write on a shirt. She put the shirt on Wade and said, “Now off you go, I’ll see you on the other side. She let go of Wade’s hand he quickly realized he couldn’t breathe underwater anymore and swam for the bubble. As soon as he popped through the bubble he could breathe and there was gravity like the surface so he fell on his tummy. As he lifted himself and started to breathe and catch his breath, he looked down to see what the mermaid wrote, he thought, what could be the dirtiest slimmest name, then he smiled “Lawyer” written in big letters. Captain Wade laughed as he had given his life of law among other things for the sea.
Lawyer looked around and saw his reflection in a pool of water. He barely recognized himself he oozed with slim yet he was crusty as if he had not taken a bath in all of his life. Just then he heard the grumble of a sea creature, “Fall in line no good slimy lawyer”. Lawyer looked around again in the darkness and could make out a small line of other slimy Wogs starting to form. He heard one Wog with Motor Mouth across their shirt say to another, Wog, “Were you on watch too?” Just then the entire Wog bubble was lighted and the sound of 20 Boatswain piped the reveille toon. Slimy Polly Wogs began to ooze out of every corner, fall from their bunks. At the end of the last trill a large great white shark bellowed, “Fall in you dirty no good slimy Polly wogs, time to sing you wog song.” The Wogs formed a single file line facing what looked like a sun rise. Lawyer began to worry that he didn’t know any of the wog songs, but yar see a Slimy Polly Wog is the only one that knows the Polly Wog song it is engrained in their land lubber slushy minds. Large water hoses began to spray the line of Wogs and the large great white bellowed, “Sing”! The Wogs began singing their Wog song that shan’t be repeated for it makes your ears bleed. The great white bellowed, “Be washed of the ooze and sing to the sun so that she may rise and take mercy on your filthy ways”.
As the water began to rinse away the slim that clung to Lawyer’s body he began to feel refreshed and kind of hungry. Just then a dinner bell rang, he thought perfect timing for breakfast, out came a large octopus holding multiple garbage buckets, shouting “Come and get it scummy Poly Wogs”. Famished Lawyer got excited and sat down behind the other Wogs that formed four separate lines. The Octopus dumped the food on the deck (sea floor) and the Wogs began to eat. Lawyer was grossed out because the eggs appeared to be green, the ham was black, and there were pancakes with ketchup on them but so hungry he began to eat. The Great White bellowed, “That’s right you no good land lubber eat your face not your fingers”. Lawyer realized he might not be able to finish but he saw someone else get tossed out of the bubble for not finishing their plate so he hurried to finish his last bite. When the Octopus turned to the Great White and said, “Look what we have here but a hungry slimy wog”. Lawyer was afraid and couldn’t keep it in but he let out a loud belch. The Octopus laughed and said, “You’re welcome you may pass to the next station”.
Afraid of what lies ahead Lawyer walked slowly through a dark tunnel. When he heard foot steps from behind, he started picking up the pace when he realized the steps were getting faster and louder. He quickly turned around, Motor Mouth gave a loud, “Hello”! Lawyer sighed, “Phew, I thought you we’re someone else.” Motor Mouth started on and on about the amazing meal, when Lawyer heard a loud baritone voice come from ahead, suddenly he was pushed forward by the line of Wogs that were being motivated by the bellowing Great Shark. Next he found himself sitting in a barber chair next to Motor Mouth also in a chair. Motor mouth gave Lawyer the thumbs up when a crab singing the blues started using his claws to trim Lawyer’s hair and kept rubbing in seaweed. Lawyer didn’t even get a wash before he was tossed out of his chair.
Lawyer noticed Motor Mouth’s hair was shredded and a huge grin as the Walrus doctor checked for reflexes. Afterwards, Lawyer sat on the examination table not really sure what was about to happen but the doctor hardly looked at him but said, “Blow”. As soon as Lawyer started to blow bubbles started forming from his mouth. The Walrus grunted then looked in his ears and then reached in a bucket and stuck peanut butter in his ears. As Lawyer immediately tried to get the peanut butter out of one of his ears when the Walrus pointed him to the next station.
Lawyer cleaned one of his ears and caught up with Motor Mouth at a large game board with a Seal quizzing each Wog. Motor mouth said loudly as both ears were full of peanut butter, “You have to answer three nautical trivia questions, miss one and start from the beginning, miss three and you can’t pass on and forever stuck as a no good Slimy Wog!” Lawyer gulped and a bead of sweat dropped from his brow. He thought he didn’t want to quit now after all he’d been through, yet he had no clue the worse was still to come. Lawyer took his place on the game board when the Seal asked the first question, “How many times does the date line cross the equator and the approximate the location?” Lawyer spoke proudly, “One time near the Capitol of Kiribati, Tarawa”. The Seal announced, “Advance one space slimy Lawyer”. The second question, “What is the Hawaii state fish?” Lawyer’s lips began to part when Motor Mouth shouted, “Humumumumukapaa” the surrounding Wogs began to laugh. “Head to the back of the line”, said the Seal. Motor Mouth pouted and went to the back of the line. Lawyer felt bad for Motor Mouth, but then the Seal asked if anyone else could pronounce the Hawaii state fish. Lawyer looked at the other players then slowly said, “Humuhumu-nukunuku-a-pua’a”, the Seal cheered, “Advance one space. Next couple of questions the other Wog players answered or fell to the end of the line, finally the Seal asked, “Where is the deepest part of the ocean”? Lawyer excitedly stated, “Mariana’s trench” the Seal bowed and waved him to the next station.
As the Lawyer headed to the physical station he looked back at Motor Mouth nervously about to step on the game board. He couldn’t help but to feel a little worried for Motor Mouth but preceded on. The Lawyer grunted in exhaustion as the the Dolphin called out for more push-ups then sit-up. Just as he thought it would never end the Dolphin gave a positive high five for the whole group to head downstairs where the bellowing Great White Shark laughed and barked orders at the final course of survival. The crusty pieces on the Lawyer had finally started to flake off as he was ordered to test his swimming abilities in a pool of shark dye and tuna fish. The Lawyer swam as hard as he could as the Great White bellowed, “I can’t hear you say, please Mr. Shark don’t eat me!” As he made chopping motions, laughing and licking his razor sharp teeth. The Lawyer swam as hard as he could in the pool but couldn’t seem to ever reach the edge. When the Great White chomped a little close to his toes he swam so hard and popped out of the pool.
The Great White continued chomping motion as Lawyer ran to the next station. He slowly raised his head up and began to shake at the large Polar Bear that stood before him. The Polar Bear named Madam Ice barked, “Lay on the ice”. Lawyer dropped on the pile of ice that laid before him. Madam Ice growled, “What makes you think you are worthy of King Neptune’s court?”. Lawyer trembled in fear and the ice that was pressed against his non-crusty, non-slimy body. Madam Ice shouted, “That’s what I thought, we need to send this one back to the beginning”. Lawyer quickly, “No, I can be trusted to respect and care for the ocean”. Just then the Mermaid came over and Madam Ice barked at Lawyer to rise.
Lawyer had relief in his eyes as the Mermaid took his hand. He approached King Neptune’s court and King Neptune spoke, “Can I trust you to answer the call to defend the shores, protect the great deep, treat all sea creatures with respect are and be the saltiest of sea dogs a Trusty Shellback?” Lawyer said, “I’m a Trusty Shellback”! King Neptune roared, “I can’t hear you!” Lawyer shouted at the top of his lungs, “I’M A TRUSTY SHELLBACK”! King Neptune responded with a nod and, “You shall proceed”. Walking to the showers the Mermaid said, “I’ll return you to your watch but first you can wash off and toss your slimy poly wog shirt and your slimy lawyer name.” Captain Wade returned with a smile and tossed the slimy shirt into the sea. Back on the boat the two turtles were wrapping up their game of cribbage and Captain Wade thanked the Mermaid for her help. He went downstairs to check on Sara as she lay fast asleep. Sara woke to relieve him from his watch and Wade asked her, “What was your Poly Wog name in the Navy?” She smiled and responded, “Motor Mouth, why?”
Updates from previous posts:
00.53 S, 159.00.418 W
485 miles remaining
